Speed Bumps

Life is weird.

2011-10-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

Life never stops. I am married now. Old college friends are married now. Old high school friends have a kid(s). Ex-boyfriends are engaged. Life is weird and it never stops.

Now, this is not a negative thing. But it sure catches you off guard and makes you take a second glance at the world around you. This is all thanks to facebook, of course. I would have no idea what's going on without it (I didn't even know Steve Jobs had passed away because I hadn't logged in to facebook at all that day).

I just unfriended some people that weren't really in my life anymore, and I hold no ill will for them in the least, but the most they did for me was remind me of my ex, and I'm pretty sure now that I'm married, I can cut that part off of my life for good and no one will ask questions.

I'm thinking of unfriending even more people whom I haven't had contact with in a while (2011 Happy Birthday greetings do not count). But I'm so busy with life and marriage and quality time with the husband that facebook just does not deserve my attention as much as it used to; or as much as I thought it should get anyway. It truly can become an addiction (as it did for me in 2006). But I'm way past that now and yes I still feel the occasional pull to update my status so people can know what I'm thinking, but having a dumbphone (aka-not a smart phone in any sense of the word) I can't update my status on a whim like it seems everyone else can, so instead I seem to disappear from the facebook realm for a few weeks and then pop up again when I find a link or deal I want to share.

It's a sad facebook existence, but it's a great real world one. I guess. I miss it a little... lol

New Year, New Life.

2011-02-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

So, pay no attention to previous angsty posts about a now ex-boyfriend of mine, and say hello to the "New Christopher". :)

Not new and improved as in the old person, but a brand new one I met on August 6, 2010, and went on our first (amazing) date on (Friday) the 13th at the Gaylord's Alice in Wonderland exhibit with fireworks over the lake viewed from the top floor of the parking garage. Yes, I know. It was freaking awesome.

Anyway, that is probably the briefest summary I can give about an awesome relationship that blossomed out of that game night first meeting, and subsequent first date that brings us to today where a ring has been bought, but the words haven't been asked. AAH!! I KNOW! It's freaking awesome. :)

I write you today, to gloat (humbly) about the fact that today I was called "the best AD in the company". Yes, you read it right. The "best"! Why was this praise placed upon me? Today we did a Super Bowl show at work and it was high-stress. That word actually doesn't even do this last week much justice. It was that bad. But. We pulled it off. And thankfully not only my boss, but the others we were working with (some from California headquarters) also gave me due credit in doing such an amazing job getting all the roll-ins ready (all 14 of them) in E-MEMs in our Kalypso switcher. I basically read the whole Version 12 and 15 user manuals (and 14's release notes) to learn how to program a button to cue a tape to a certain timecode, play it, load a team helmet swipe (importing that was a huge undertaking all by itself), trigger a sound at the right time, and then switch cameras exactly at the full frame in the middle of the swipe. And I did it. It took me over a week to truly learn, but I friggin' DID IT (over 20 of them). Yesss!! And so you can understand why at the end of the day I gladly soaked up the praises from my coworkers. I worked my butt off and even stayed the night at work due to the ice and snow storms just to pull this show off without any major hitches. I mean, we truly did it and didn't even have ANY of the roll-ins in our hands until 3 hours before showtime. Yea. It felt really good to make it happen. I love live TV. Truly I do. I am SO blessed to enjoy what I do (even though I wanted to cry from stress and frustration Thursday night, and am pretty sure I have multiple mouth ulcers from the stress), but the payoff on Friday was worth it.

I told Michelle I would do it again in a heartbeat. And you know when you can say that, while still recovering from the adrenaline rush, that you mean every word. :)

Football and Drama

2009-12-14T18:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, let's start at the Utah vs. TCU football game, shall we?

I had gone to a friend's wedding right before the game, and didn't expect to go tailgate afterwards, but I did. In a nice dress and heels. lol So when I got there, I met a nice lady who was the mom of a guy I knew from BYX (not very well, but I recognized his face and name). She proceeded to take me around to about 5 different other tailgating parties asking if I could borrow a shirt and pants because "excuse me. Excuse ME! We have a problem here. This is girl is much too overdressed, and she needs some help!"

Where most other people would have been so embarrassed that this random lady was doing this to them, I was loving it! All this commotion and attention because I was in a dress and heels. haha

Sadly, nobody was able to assist me, however, I did score a free TCU shirt because her daughter provided me with one, and said I could keep it when I asked who I should hand it off to at the end of the night. Rockin!! I now heart the Skains family. :)

In other news; I'm single. Happy almost-made-it-to-six-months to meee. =/

As you can tell by the last post things were getting rough. So we met up to discuss things in person. My interpretation of the the decision proposed was that we were going to go through a semi-Master's Commission type pause/break (he didn't really intend to use the word break-up in this situation). He believed this would be good, because he thought many of the problems in his life at the moment stemmed from not focusing enough on the Lord. I believed that was a legitimate thought process, and so fully agreed to such a pause.

So, a pause, ok. We would still talk. Call/text/hang out in groups. Sounded like something that might do us some good. However I had to ask if he saw a definite time on this and if I should wait on him, or if we would just feel it out and thus I would not necessarily be as patient as I was the first time around with the real Master's Commission. He did not know what kind of time frame to give it, and thus we parted ways cordially and I gave him his stuff back that had been over at my house, with the plan to eventually get my stuff back as well at some point (a couple board games, a Nalgene, etc.) Also with the plan to get nearer and dearer to the Lord while still talking with each other and stuff. I saw us continuing as friends, but not romantic for the time being unless time passed and we couldn't live without the other. lol

This was on Monday. And we texted a bit on Tuesday. I called on Saturday. No answer. I called on Sunday about noon. I called on Sunday about 6:30. No answers. I texted on Monday "can I look forward to a returned phone call soon?" Thursday (Thanksgiving) I receive a mass text message "happy turkey day!"

At this point, I figured we were done and asked if I could have my stuff back soonish.

He said sure and I could get it the next time I went to Shift in Plano. I said I wasn't going soonish, and wondered if we could meet in the middle or something. He replied "you should go to church, it will be good for you." Excuse me?! I just came back early from vacation at home so I could go to my own church!
I think this is where things truly turned sour. He didn't text again until a week later on Monday morning asking if I was at work "because I want to get this done soon". When he finally got there, it took me a minute to get outside, and he had already piled my stuff on my car and was walking away. I tried to make small talk, but all we said was "how are you? good." And he said he'd let me get back to work. And that was that....

Then at Friday's Christmas party I received a text that read "Big plans for Christmas/New Year? (sorry, I think I may have been kinda harsh last time I saw you)"

Yea...you were...and I didn't know why. -- No more communication since then, folks.

Summary: I thought we were on pause. There was no communication for a good week and a half, so I assumed we were done and asked for my stuff back which is when I believe he wasn't on the same page and was upset by my request.

In the meantime, I'm fully single, and (without sounding full of myself) am already fending off other guys. Some of whom's qualities make Topher a shining example of a man. And thus I miss him, in ways that I had begun to take for granted.

-------------------------------------------------------

Tune in next week for a recap of this month's FOUR Christmas parties!!!

Biking is cool again

2009-10-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

Yea yea. It's been unacceptably too long of a time since I last wrote. I apologize. Moving on!!

So Friday was a pretty eventful day. Worked all day, had my intern (love her!) help me with stuff, and then headed to see Delirious? in their final USA performance (well, they performed Saturday, too, but I couldn't go). I loved the show with Kari Jobe, the Binions, and then Delirious which ended up giving us about an hour and a half, maybe even two, of worship time. I enjoyed it.

Totally zoned out during Reinhard Bonnke's message because it was all about how tomorrow there would an impartation of the holy spirit and that the youth in the building would rise up for our generation. It was nice, and I usually at least am some-what interested in speakers, but I just couldn't focus.

One of the best parts of the day was the train ride to the convention center. I met some awesome dudes on bikes!

I wore my "I like college, but Jesus is better" t-shirt. It became a conversation piece when the most tatted up and indie-looking dude asked, "You love Jesus?" Why yes I do! How about yourself?

He affirmed he did as well and then introduced me to the other two guys he was with, also tatted up and indie looking. :) I informed them I was on my way to see Delirious? and they said they were going to a movie about a guy wanting to be a bicyclist, and that they were meeting up with other bicyclists at the 6th Floor museum to ride to the theatre. Very cool!

Since I was riding alone, I made the quick decision to join them on the train so we could converse some more. Turns out one of the guys works for a bike shop right near my work. You can see him here (kind of). He's the one riding the tallest bike!!

I'm thinking of taking my bike to him soon; you should see my disintegrating bike tires from my 1998 bike!

I just have to figure out how to get it to them. My coupe car can't fit it inside. Hmmm.

We parted ways at Union Station and I went on to the convention center to experience Delirious with people from my church. Great day on Friday!!

Geek Out!

2009-04-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

Ok guys. I totally just geeked out.

I was driving and flipping through the different radio stations when I came across one of my faves, 104.9. They play Bollywood music, and half the time I can't understand what the DJs are saying. lol It's a nice break from 102.1 with all the commercials. :)

So the DJ announced a contest he was doing where you have to guess the "mystery sound." I quickly caught the number and typed it into my phone. I waited until he got his first caller, to see what my chances might be of winning... And it. was. ridiculous. The first caller went on and on and on....and on............and on...................... I honestly didn't understand a word he was saying, but apparently he was complaining about the free food the DJ was giving away or something. And the DJ wouldn't hang up on him. He was very polite for the first minute or so, and only then did he start to try to interject. This whole time I gave up listening to see if he had an answer, and went ahead and dialed.

Busy.

Redial.

Busy.

Redial.

Ring....ring...ring....

I hear the DJ finally say something about the guy having his opinion, and moving on, and then I hear my phone pick up and the DJ speak. At this point, my pulse jumped! I was on the radio! I heard him say something and because I actually work in radio, I knew instantly that I needed to turn down the volume on the radio or else he would get lots of feedback and and echo of his voice. So I did and said, "HI!! I'm Rachel! I promise I won't talk as much as the last guy. I'll just give you my guess. It sounds like a clock winding up..."
"Hmmm, good answer, but I'm going to have to say that's not it. Sorry. Thanks for calling."
Two more callers later the guy guessed the correct answer of a chain being pulled.
This entire time, my pulse is racing, I'm smiling hugely, and as soon as I realize what's going on in my mind, I start cracking up. I just called into a radio station. Redialed twice. Got nervous. Guessed incorrectly. And totally laughed at myself for geeking out so bad. I'm friggin ON the radio. Every week. For the past two years.
Go me. haha

Thanks for reading!

--R

So much to say, so much Blog to say it in

2009-03-29T11:47:00.000-07:00

Last post published on February 1st, huh? Sorry about that. I still continually blame facebook for taking my love of blogger and distorting it into Facebook-checking-obsession. But moving on.

It's been a busy couple of months. I went down to sticky, smelly Houston to assistant direct their Spring Telethon. As always, it was actually kind of fun due to the people who are talent, and how little I actually have to do. *sssh, don't tell my boss that. lol*

However, this year was even better on the funness level due to the guy from Dallas that went with us to fill in as director throughout the week. Basically, I am so outgoing, and who-cares-what-people-think, that not too many people and their personalities can catch my attention. It seems like everyone in life is just on a different level of anxiety and paranoia. But every so often in your life you find someone like Mr. Holmes. (Or Coburn, for that matter,) Someone who's view of life is something along the lines of "I'll handle whatever comes my way, but it won't phase me. Now let's enjoy life and those around us, shall we?" I'm sure it's more of one of those "you had to have been there" types of things, however both Holmes and Coburn have affected my view of life so much. They are they types of people who will walk up to ANYone and strike up a friendly conversation. Or if something drastic happens and changes the whole plan, they are free to swing around and flow with whichever way life's current decides to take them.
Awe-inspiring. Really.

Of course, then you add in the fact that Mr. Holmes not only knew, but worked very closely with, this guy named Adam who I met years ago in a bar in Fort Worth who asked me out on a date, and refused to take no for an answer for months. What does Holmes do when he finds this out? Gets out his iPhone and CALLS Adam saying that there was someone here who he might want to talk to. GAAAAH!! "Hey Adam! I'm Rachel...remember me?" "Yea, that name rings a bell." "We met at Rick O'Shea's in Fort Worth..." "Oh yea. Red hair and lip ring?" "That's me. *nervous laughter*" Then he asked how I knew Mr. Holmes and told me to keep him in line, and that was pretty much it. *sigh* Thank goodness. Crisis averted. lol AND he hasn't said anything to me on myspace or texted me since that awkward phone call. Phew. Safe. lol

What else have I been up to since Feb 1? Well, let's see:
I read through the whole series of Twilight. Liked the first book best. The rest were ok.
Traveled to Forney twice to hang out with some good friends from high school.
Saw Watchmen with said friends. Saw He's Just Not That Into You. Good, but the book is much, much better. Trust me. I've read it about 3 times. Though Heather took it away from me when I was still in college saying I didn't need to concentrate on what a book has to say about my relationships, rather to what God says. She still has it, but that's ok. I haven't felt a need for it since then, really. I think that was just a phase I was going through senior of college that I like to call Everyone-I-Know-Got-Married-Right-After-College-And-I-Don't-Even-Have-A-Boyfriend.
I am now two years and three months post-graduation. Pretty sure I'm past the initial freak-out stage. lol So, Heather, if you're reading this, and you still have the book, no worries. haha Garage-sale-it if you want. =D And thanks for hitting me over the head with truth and love. It's certainly what I needed. :) Miss you and Brad!

Ok, ok. That's enough shout-outs for today. lol Well, ok, just one more. Thanks to RoytheBoy for commenting and prompting me to write again. It needed to happen.
I've got a couple more things I need to update you guys on. Hopefully I'll do that later this week. Until then, have a great end of March and April Fool's Day!

--R

2009 is already going by way too fast

2009-02-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

While I immensely enjoy living in the city, I am actually grateful much of my life was spent in small towns. This is where I learned my manners. Take today for example: There was a wreck in the left lane of a two lane ramp. I see a U-Haul that no one is letting over, so I slow down and let him and the car in front of him in. But this is when the guy behind me, who was already tailgating me, honks his horn and I look back to him flailing his arms about trying to shoo me on. All I can think to do it point at the U-Haul. We get past the wreck, and I see he is exiting...I debate whether or not I want to look at him, expecting to see some sort of reaction. Well, I did look. And he proceeded to call me a Bitch. I was hurt. All I did was let two cars go in front of me. How in the world does that make me... Ugh. So after I tried to calm myself down, I started praying for the guy in wreck who I noticed was leaning on the car with his head in his arms. I totally felt for the guy since he was so visibly upset. Then I started praying for the mean guy. That whole 'love your enemies' thing is hard. I never think it is, cuz I don't really have any enemies. Until something like this happens. You have a choice to make. Get mad at the mad guy. Or calm down and pray the Lord soaks him with His peace. It's easier to lash out than to respond with grace. But I figured if I, as a calm individual, need grace, then how much more does Mean Guy need?

So that was my noon hour. lol

Soon after, I got to the radio station to work 2-10. No worries. I'm DVRing the super bowl and commercials. haha

Also I had to go into work yesterday. Mr. Company Owner himself was in town (to fire some people due to the current economy) and I had to go up the to the TV station for a while to record a show with him and his son. It went rather well. It just means I've got a lot to do Monday morning.

Oh! Also, Kort's birthday party was Friday night and was lots o' fun! We went ice skating and then to Dave and Busters where I wasn't really planning on drinking (didn't even know you could there), but a friend of hers from Tarleton was there and so I figured why not? I had something called Walk the Plank, which was pretty darn good, and then we all had Jolly Rancher shots. I am definitely ordering one of those again. Delicious! I had to stop there though, cuz home was 45 minutes away for me and I certainly wasn't going to be able to get a ride from anyone.

So it kinda sucked that her friend Matt bought us huge beers but they closed at midnight (ugh), so I couldn't finish it.

The best part of the night, though? Meeting Sierra. Yea, I stick with my phrase, "A situation is only awkward if you let it be."

More to come, hopefully!

--R

World Mandate 2009

2009-01-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

It's been one month since I updated. Another month in a minute? Nah. I'll actually give yall something to chew on this time. lol

Me and some girls traveled down to Waco this weekend to attend World Mandate. As always, it was life changing.
No longer is rededicating your life to Christ enough, but it is consecrating. Consecration isn't dedicating your life...it is giving it up fully to not just be lived out by you in dedication, but to be held as clay in the hands of the Lord to do with as He pleases.
This way you are ready to hear what He has to say. Where he is telling you to go. Who He is telling you to reach with the gospel, which truly is Good News!!!
World Mandate is always filled with stories of miracles and statistics of people and whole people groups who are being reached and 600 who have not been reached.
The fact that pulled at my heart the most was that were 3000 people in that basketball stadium. If we all broke up into groups of 5 and each group went out to each one of the 600 unreached people groups, we would have fulfilled the scripture saying that all nations will hear about Jesus before He comes back. So do you realize that if only, ONLY those 3,000 people acted on the call, and went tomorrow...Jesus could come back in one week's time?
Does that not affect you? Does that affect what you want to do and are willing to do with your life?
In light of all this, I have once again felt bad about how I have acted towards Master's Commission and those involved. What better thing to do in your life than to give it ALL up for our Lord and Savior! Oh if I only I, too could cast it all off, and go chasing after HIS dreams for me, and not my own. My own dreams are puny compared to what HE HAS IN STORE FOR ME! But only if I let him. If I continue to live my own life and do what pleases me, or even if I'm doing what I "think" God wants to be do where He wants me to be, but it's not...then I am not living out the plans He has for me. We are called to forfeit our comfort zones (easier said than done, I know) and follow after Him passionately so that ALL may hear the good news!

Umm...so that's just the summary of what happened inside of me during this weekend's World Mandate 2009. My News Year Resolution has just been given a kick start: To fall in love with Jesus, and have Him be the love of my life.
-------------------------------------------
I got a microdermal piercing on January 2nd with my friend Rudy. It wasn't what I had been researching for weeks, though. It was a completely different piece of jewelry... I checked it today under then band-aid, and it's infected. Crap. I guess that's okay though, as long as it doesn't reject. If it does, then that's 50 bucks down the drain. I probably would try to go get another one though. I like where it's at (next to my eye and eyebrow). But this time I would go get the one that actually looks like all the ones I researched. The reason my piercer didn't have that kind was because (he said) you have to use a scalpel to put them in. Which isn't true. But you do have to scalpel them if you ever want them out...so whatever. I just pray it heals well enough...and soon! I have a reality show I need to be focusing on!

--R

Month in a minute

2008-12-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

November 22nd, 2008
I hit a guy who ran a red light at the intersection of Davis and Mid-Cities. The wreck wasn't too bad, yet the Banana Boat was totalled. I got 5000 dollars for it.
November 28th, 2008
I bought a new yellow Pontiac from Frank Kent dealership in Fort Worth. The guy who sold me the car loved Power FM.
December 7th, 2008
My 23 year old cousin Aaron passed away. Not sure of the exact cause yet, but we think it had something to do with alcohol and Xanax. Not on purpose.
December 11th, 2008
Buried Aaron. Watched a scene I never, ever want to see again: A mom and dad mourning a child.
December 17th, 2008
Staff Christmas party! Me and Michelle decided everyone should bring presents and do a gift exchange/steal. I walked away with a Holy Land Experience camel named Qaboo. Love it.
December 18th, 2008
Rach promises to write more in her blog that she loves so much, and isn't paying enough attention to. :)

This job is about to break me.

2008-11-18T19:35:00.000-08:00

And yet somehow, God is still soooo good to me.
All week and especially today I was wanting to call my mom and talk to her about how super stressful my job has been lately and then she calls me on my way home saying she was just thinking of me. --thank you, Lord--
Then I went to the beauty school to get my hair cut. They did an okay job, but heck for 9 bucks, I am not complaining!

Now I just need to put those pink highlights in it. Yessss!

Back to talking about work:
I only got ONE guest booked for Joy when I called and emailed 16 people... So we had to cancel. This is where it could have gotten worse. But I had the guest's cell phone number in my email, so the day was saved! Otherwise he would have shown up at 9:30 with no host and no crew. --again, thank you, Lord--

I don't know. It's been a bad last couple of days I guess. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that I am totally PMSing. And not afraid to admit it. lol So there. What a blog. :)

Life sucks. God doesn't.
--R

Acts 2:42-47

2008-11-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

We had lifegroup at my house for the first time tonight! Yaaay! I love it when we get together and talk about community and how to really live it out. It's super easy to talk about it, and what it should be, but the hard part is to talk about specific things one can do to strengthen the body of Christ. And then comes the even harder part...Doing those things. But that's why I love my lifegroup. We really do try. Of course we don't always succeed. Most of us wish we spent a lot more time with one another, but between the med schools students, the young professionals, and the increasing number of people going overseas, that becomes a little difficult. But we try. We love. We meet each week. We eat together. We pray together. We certainly laugh together. And we also try not to annoy one another, and/or be annoyed by those we are called to love. Hey. I'm just saying it cuz we are in fact human, and when 12 or more different human beings meet in one room at one time, you never know what could happen. :)

I love you guys!

Cruisin' All The Way To Loft, I Mean Home

2008-10-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Whoa. I have seriously been neglecting my blog. That is not okay.
I went on a cruise! It sailed out of Miami on Oct 6 and got back on the 10th. We went to The Grand Bahamas and to Nassau. This time we actually got to the beaches! Whoot!
My fave part of the trip? Well, besides the fact that I've never laughed that much over a week's period of time, my fave was seeing a penthouse on the beach in Miami and getting to swim and hang out on its private beach. Whoa! Beautiful! And hellooo high-rise. You guys know I love the view from the top. It totally spurred me on to raise the 2.5 mil it will take to get myself to such a place. lol Okay, okay. Maybe not that much, simply because I don't want to be on the beach, but downtown Dallas, instead. But those are still fairly pricey. =/ We'll get there someday!
I booked my first two and a half Joy In Our Town (public affairs) shows.
--Oops. Sorry, I just trailed off for a bit. I got distracted looking at condos and lofts in Dallas. LOL Back to business!
I booked Joy! lol And I did a pretty decent job of it, too. Not too easy to book, but not super hard, and definitely not too enjoyable. Especially since I have this large, looming, unsubstantiated fear of calling people whom I don't know. Maybe this will help me finally get over that, eh? Hm... We. Shall. See.
Lifegroup was pretty good tonight. I looove those peeps. I do, I do, I do-ooooo. (Throwback to Kenan and Kel and orange soda anyone?) God is certainly always present when we get together.
Hopefully I'll type more tomorrow! Goodnight all!
--R

Well hello there very 80s talking airport

2008-10-04T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is my first time to blog from the road. Let's see what all the hypes about shall we?
I'm here at the fort lauderdale airport where the automatic doors talk and sing to you like the doors in Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. They say things like "you make me smile" and "you look good today" and "hi there. You are beautiful." Creepy no? Just slightly I think.
More and more I've been letting go of control and letting God do the planning. And guess what? It's working!! haha Our plane had engine problems and I was worried that would annoy those waiting in Florida. Not the case. I let it all just be and when I got here they were still waiting on the producer to bring back the car. I'm glad I only worried for a minute or two and didn't waste too much time. haha
Let the adventure begin!!!

Shadows Prove The Sunshine

2008-10-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

God. Is. So. Good.
For years and at different times I was around people who would get words or pictures for others while praying for one another. I always tried so hard and expected so greatly to get something to tell someone but it never worked. I still had faith that it would one day pan out for me, but I still had my doubts.
Earlier this year in lifegroup we dedicated a Wednesday to encouraging each other and waiting on the Lord to reveal stuff to us about one another. Melanie said she heard that I would get pictures and words for people. I embraced it! I was saying, "Yes, Lord!" lol But nothing still really happened for a while. And Laurie in the group is the one that's usually getting things for people, so I kind of chalked it up to her being 'that' person for the group. But as of recently, that has all changed. And that's why I say God is so good.
I've obviously been dealing with a lot recently, and so nearly every day I've been trying my best to simply let God have His way and slowly pry my life from my fingers. I hold on so strong sometimes. As we all do.
We dedicated this last Wednesday to kind of the same thing as that sweet earlier time. We prayed-in people to lifegroup and said that we will stand by them and pray for them and smile when they do and cry with them if needed, etc. After praying about that, we just sit and wait to see if the Lord gives us anything or if not, just words of encouragement for that specific person.
*drum roll please* I got three pictures for people that night!!! The main thing to remember is that even though to you the picture or thought makes no sense, to the person it's meant for it means everything. So I encourage you to share anyway, not matter how silly you think you'll sound.
For one girl I saw her running a race and not simply being a spectator. For another guy I saw a knot. Just a simple knot. And the more I asked the Lord to see more, I saw it as one of the ropes you think of in gym class. You climb and climb, and if you fall, you grab that knot and you pick yourself right back up again, and go at it again. And the coolest was for Jon. I saw a ladder. But I wanted to see more. So again, I waited. Then I saw him and others in a beach house with a huge window that was that blurry glass you can't see through. Most of the people in the house were cool with it, because even though they couldn't see outside, they got light from the window, so they didn't care for more. But not Jon. I saw Jon saying, "Oh, no. This won't do." And going outside, climbing a ladder to the roof, and enjoying the beautiful view of the ocean.
I said it totally unconfidently. It didn't make any sense to me. But his response with a big smile was, "That's it. You got it." He said he just wants to rip the ceiling off of most Christian's views. There's so much more to this Life that we are given than many of them know.
SOOOOO cool! God is so good! And He keeps his promises, and He blesses His children beyond their wildest dreams!
Including a handful of free tickets to the Third Day/Switchfoot/Jars of Clay concert!!! After which I slightly lost my voice. Yes. It was that good. :)
So I may be going up mountains and through valleys...but with friends like these and a God like mine, I have no room to complain.
Life is truly good. And I don't thank Him enough for it.

Who needs mob wars when you've got friends like these?

2008-09-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

Things are going crazy at my job. The girl who used to be praise coordinator went to temporarily help out the Nashville station while we were under going our massive HD upgrade (started in April and still not finished). Well, she liked it up there and her fam is in Kentucky so she decided to stay. No biggie. I mean, we will certainly miss her, but if that's what she wants to do, she's young and single so why not, ya know?
Well, the only 'not' I can think of is that now many of her responsibilities have fallen upon me. I guess it's cool that my boss deems me capable, however I am so busy with all of my editing duties, that I don't really have much time to squeeze together in order to get this new list of stuff accomplished.
However it doesn't really matter what I think anyway. Things needs to get done, and I'm kind of the only one there who can do them, sooo there's no use in complaining. I'm just making sure he knows that calling people and scheduling a show like this is something I'm willing to take a stab at, but I've certainly never done before. He's says it's so easy, and shouldn't take any time at all. He's not the one who's been producing the show for the past 7 years. Cindy was.*
So not only do I have my job, and now pieces of her job to tend to, but I also happen to be someone who is helping everybody else out with this whole upgrade thing.
Who didn't like the Clear Com menu settings so they found the book, and learned not only how to change them, but how to adjust the volume? I did.
Who was the only person present for all 5 days of training on the new switcher? Me.
Who was given the task of understanding the brand new graphics and graphics program--and succeeded? Lemme think...oh yea, that was me, too.

You wanna talk about job security right about now... :)

*Names have been changed throughout this blog to protect both the innocent and the guilty.
--------------------------------------------------
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
Tom: You think I'm kidding? I'd kill for you, too Rach. All you gotta do is say, "Tom. I need you to off Jesse so that I can talk to my man." And I'd do it. No questions asked.

"Ditto"

2008-09-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

My date yesterday (with myself) went pretty well. And I ate the leftovers for lunch today while learning about ancient Rome on the History channel. What a fun life, I know!

Went to work at the radio station and had a pretty good shift. Went by fairly quickly and got through Cowboys game-day traffic without too much trouble. I looked over at one guy that wasn't letting me cut in, and with my saddest face mouthed "please please please". He let me over. =D It's good to be a girl.

All Brooding Aside

2008-09-27T18:34:00.000-07:00

Get ready for a post that finally doesn't include me brooding. Yay! hahaha

I went to a staff meeting today and had a lot of fun there. Adrian is doing a great job with the all request show and he played us some awesome clips from it. I laughed super hard. I'm sooo blessed to like everyone I work with whether it be the TV or the radio station.

My roomie is out of town for ACL. So I bought myself dinner today and plan on watching a movie. Kind of like a date night with myself I guess. lol -- I treated myself pretty well, too... Shrimp Alfredo from Chili's, plus a small chocolate dessert, finishing off the night with a Hornsby hard cider.
A girl's gotta know what she wants. ;)

I also went to the bank, and cleaned the house fairly well. I'm pretty darn proud of myself for today. haha

Topic B

2008-09-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

---To be read after Topic A post---

Let's just get it out there. I had figured and slightly hoped that I'd go to Toronto and see a ton of super cute guys and find something to distract me from the fact that me and Topher officially broke up (status pending until May 2009). I was pleasantly surprised to find that didn't happen in the least. There were a ton of well dressed guys. A ton of guys with sweet hair. Many with cool piercings. But none; I say none of whom I found to be as attractive as Topher. Even without having seen him for days. While also severely slowing down my stalking of him on myspace and facebook. haha
I was on the prowl. I looked everyone I saw in the eyes. I stood up straight. I wore cute clothes. I did my hair. I *gasp* took showers. lol I made sure to keep a pleasant look on my face, if not a smile. But even then. Even with the hundreds upon hundreds of Canadian, French, Italian, Chinese, Spanish, American, and Japanese men I saw, none stood out to me as Topher did on that fateful day I saw him enter the lobby doors. None.
And the ones whom I did find attractive had visible flaws. Smokers, hairy chests, holding hands with other guys, tongue rings, smug ego looks, and worst of all...girlfriends. haha Not to mention I have no idea what their heart is like, what their intentions are, or if they love Jesus as much (if not more) than I do, ya know?

Now, I did take second and sometimes third glances at any guy wearing one of those military or "Fidel" caps. This because Topher is often seen wearing one. But that's about as far as it went. And even then, I quickly realized it wasn't "him" and kinda missed him even more at the moment.

I hesitated posting this, because it's a public blog, and I wasn't sure what people would think or what I would come across sounding like. I didn't want to sound too ooey-gooey or depressed or un-healthily attached, etc. But I decided to bypass all of those fears and just put to text what I was thinking. There's no harm in that because it's truth, and could possibly help me and/or someone else out there trying to make sense of this thing called life.
It also didn't hurt that he was able to pick us up from the airport and quickly proceeded to quiz me on the bands that he had made a mix CD of (Justifide, Blindside, Glisten, House of Heroes, and the list goes on). He is incredible. I currently have no desire to look elsewhere. End of story. *big grin*

Topic A

2008-09-09T20:00:00.000-07:00

Something I noticed during my time in Toronto, which I questioned writing about here on my blog, but thought, 'hey, I want this to be just like my old blog. A place where I am free to post all my thoughts past and present in order that- #1 I can remember them later- #2 I can get them out of my head and onto "paper" in order to vent and- #3 as I write, I usually help myself figure stuff out. It's like a purge every time I write. And it always feels superb.
With that said, I write to you today, my dear blog, in order that I can get all these swirling thoughts out of my head and into this machine.
Toronto was amazing. Let's cover these two topics today. A) The grab bag mix of people in the city has changed my way of looking at life, love, and Jesus. B) The grab bag mix of guys I saw while downtown Toronto has given me an appreciation for a certain someone. (The topic I wasn't sure I wanted to expound on today, but I absolutely must.) I'll just keep writing and rewriting this blog in my mind if I don't write it today. So here goes.
Topic A:
Myth: Jesus loves you once you rid yourself of piercings, stop cussing/smoking/drinking, get a real job, and put a smile on your face.
Truth: Jesus loves you. As you are. End of story.
The huge amount of people in Toronto with piercings, superly weird dyed and cut hair, incredibly insane fashion sense or intense lack thereof, and every ethnicity you can imagine has given me culture shock. And a very good one. I am from Texas. I consider myself a conservative that dabbles in moderacy, but never comes close to the liberal borderline. Until now.
I've never been one to have large blond hair wearing Levi's with my bulky turquoise jewelry. Thus I've always stuck out in TX. I've been okay with that for the most part. After having gone to Toronto, however, I feel I don't stick out enough. Not nearly enough. I want more piercings, I want a tattoo, and I definitely plan on dying my hair again soon. More pink anyone? Why not? Why conform? I mean, in Toronto you kind of ARE conforming when you color your hair and pierce yourself. They were EVERYwhere you looked. Here. You are glared at, and often times asked "Did that hurt?" I was always asked in high school "what does your mom think?" when I dyed my hair. The answer was, "She dyed it, so I'm assuming she's okay with." She said she thought if that's the craziest/worst thing I did in high school, she was more than happy to help me out. :)
The present day American church wants people to conform. Wear nice clothes, take a shower, and drive your own car to church early Sunday morning. Once you are there, put on a smile, sing in a pretty voice, take the message for what it is, and then go eat lunch someplace and discard the church flyer once you get home.
I have a vision for a better church. Don't get me wrong. My church in Fort Worth is trying very hard and doing a darn good job of getting away from American consumerism and getting focused on the homeless or poor in the city. My church has a heart. Sadly many churches in the US today do not. Not in the least. We must place the blame on ourselves. I recently heard the FACT that there are over 7000 churches in DFW alone. WHY ISN'T SOMETHING HAPPENING?! Where is the revival?! Why are the homeless still hungry!? Why are we in huge houses with leathery cars eating at Texas de Brazil and complaining about high gas prices? Is NO ONE giving to the offering? Do we really need another mega church building? Can't that land be used for something else?
This isn't the soap box I originally intended to climb onto, but it's been eating at me recently. This is something you can't just hear and swallow, and move on with. This calls for a reaction. Not just from you or the masses. But from me. It starts with me.
Seeing people with weird hair and/or clothes and loving them anyway, starts with me. Showing a smile to a stranger sporting a frown starts with me. Giving 10 percent OR MORE to the church and my community can only start with me.
Moral of the story: I am no longer Texan. I am no longer the slightly bit conformist. You want to wear that? Why not? Go ahead. But only if it's you. If it won't cause someone to stumble of course, then go for it! What should we care?
Hideous coat, pink hair, and more piercings here I come. What does it matter? I am who I am. And I must be that at all costs. And so should you. I promise I won't judge you for it. Anymore. =/

Break it if it needs fixin

2008-09-03T20:45:00.000-07:00

Sooo, it became official on facebook today.
But the craziest part? The reason for breaking up was not that we don't like or care about each other. And that's also the hardest part. Because with breaking up all these stupid feelings come crawling up to the surface. Feelings of mean spiritedness, feelings of reject, feelings of inadequacy... But that's not the case here at all. It's not "this isn't working out, so let's be friends." Instead it's "I'm going through this program because I can get closer to the Lord. While I'm in it (only 9 months) it calls for no distractions from the one who is supposed to be One and Only."
HELLOOOO. Amazing, is it not?! So why the **** am I so upset?! It's because even though it's the best, most well meaning, (hopefully temporary) break up I've ever encountered...it's still a break up. And I still feel let go and let down.
It's super hard to convince myself otherwise. Which I'm slowly coming to realize is actually a good thing. That way, I am once again shown that it's not up to me. And that I can't do it alone. I must must must rely on Jesus to be my all. To be my joy. To be my strength. No one else can do that but Him, and no one else is supposed to try.
Amen? Amen.
----------------------
Toronto tomorrow!!!!
I'll take lots of pictures. lol

Hey. Skorts are so still in style.

2008-09-01T16:14:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been great fun! I just got back from shopping at the NorthPark Mall in Dallas, which is apparently THE uppity mall for our area. Next to the Galleria, of course. Which I have also never been to. Someday. :)
So I was convinced because it's such a nice mall I would not find anything within my price range. Let alone anything I might actually want to buy since many times "high fashion" is a bunch of crap in my eyes. Scarves in the (Texas) summer and gladiator shoes? Please.
So I dressed up all cute to make sure I didn't stick out like a sore/not rich thumb. I did pretty well. And then we went to Sephora where I put some cute green/blue eyeshadow on to match my clothes. I felt totally cute, fo sho. But I still had my lip ring in. I can't ever fit in 100%. That's just not me. Yall know that. haha
Anyhow, we went into many different stores. American Eagle, Teavana, DeBeers (one of our clan is very close to being engaged), Neiman-Marcus, some awesome mod decor store, and my personal fave dELiA*s. I used to get their catalog years ago. I always loved the stuff I saw in it. Always so cute while being a touch edgy.
The store in the mall was running a special where if you tried on a pair of jeans, you got a $10 coupon. Heck yes! So I ended up buying a pair of Sophie jeans for 30-10+tax=21 bucks! Now we're talking!
The most expensive moment of the afternoon came when I had to tag along with Heather and Carrie as they checked out engagement rings at Neiman Marcus. They tried a few on, and oohed and aahed for a while. Then they asked the price of the ring they liked. I'll let you sit down and swallow whatever you might be eating or drinking before I let this one loose on ya. You ready?
58,000 dollars.
I literally scoffed and laughed and walked away from the counter. That is RIDICULOUS! I've heard of the saying where the guy needs to save up three months worth of salary, but in my circle of friends that would only be about 7,500 or maybe 10,000 bucks! My gosh, in that case just give me a cubic zirconia... That way you wouldn't have to worry about Blood Diamonds and all that jazz either. Just saying.
Anyway. Just a reminder. THEY were seeking out the rings. Not me. Heather is soon to be engaged (the guy already has the ring), and Carrie is in a 3+ year relationship where the guy has at least started talking positively about the idea of marriage.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm jet-setting off to Toronto in a couple of days. The only baggage I have to worry about is my own (literally and transcendentally). :)
Not that I don't want to eventually get married... Um. Ok. Conversation ends here. heh
Must get up early for work tomorrow.
I'm out!
--Rach

I Miss You Like Whoa

2008-08-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

This is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
Here's the deal.
There's this thing called LMC at Topher's church. You stay with a family from the church, you work with the church leaders, you get real world training in couple areas, you can get college credit if you choose, you memorize 6 verses a week, etc etc. Summary: awesome program. Huge growth potential. Goal of becoming a better disciple.
Wow.
Question: Why would anyone not want to go though this program?
Answer: You can't date during the duration of it.
They call for an August to May fast from physical and emotional relationships.
No big deal, right? Jesus calls us to lay everything aside and follow Him. Many people don't get such an easy for forthright chance to do so. LMC provides that chance. Again, summary: awesome.
So let's go for a "hypothetical" situation here. Girl meets guy. Both girl and guy know something is there, and they pursue it. Their relationship grows quickly because they find they have soooo much in common. Namely they love Jesus and Christian rock music, but the list of things just starts there really. Guy happens to be in a PERFECT moment in his life to be able to pursue the course of LMC. Girl totally backs guy's decision, until she finds that dating is not allowed. Girl changes mind. But does she really?
Girl has to stop. She has to think. What does she really want in life? A guy who will choose her over God, or a guy who will drop everything, including her, if God calls for it?
Option B, pleaseandthankyou.
Guy actually includes said girl in weighing options and discussing joining of program. Guy joins LMC. Girl happy and supportive of decision. Until....
7 days go by before she sees him again. No more kissing. No more holding hands. No more cuddling on the couch. No more 1-3 hour phone calls. No more flirting? No more cutesy chats online? No more huge smiles and winks in his direction? No more even sitting next to each other? At least we can side-hug right?
I didn't sign up for this. OOooh wait. Hold on. Pretty sure I did when I gave my life to Jesus. And I mean, really now. Am I THAT selfish and spoiled? Am I really trying to deprive myself of something great in the future simply because I want something good NOW? Dear Lord, help!!!
I'm hoping and praying and begging that this be as big a growth time for me as it is for him. Why in the world should I let him come out the other side of this program stronger and closer and more loving of the Lord and I be in the same place as I am now? I don't think that would be fair. To me. To him. To my Jesus.
And yet I continue to sit here and complain away. However, the more I think about it...the more I realize why I'm feeling heart broken. And why I'm letting this get to me so much. It's the attention. For many years now I've known that much of my happiness (not joy) comes from attention from guys. My world can be easily turned upside down if the right amount of attention is paid to me. It's happened before, I know. But for reals? I thought I was past that...... I really did. Obviously Jesus is not to me everything that He should be.
Thus I say again it's not fair for Topher to go through this program and be even better than he went in, to meet me in the exact same spot as before when he comes out?
No, I say. Not going to happen. Not that I'm doing this for him, mind you. But I am certainly using the idea to spur me on. To read my Bible when I think about it. To stop and thank Jesus for the little things throughout the day. To try to be there and pour into my lifegroup. And to try to get everything I can out of a message or sermon or inspiring magazine article. I want to be all I can be. Not for him or for me. But Jesus doesn't want me sitting here just coasting. No sir. It's time. That's all I'm saying. I'm getting a kick in the butt.
Yea. It's super hard. I miss him so much, and doubts begin to seep in. But then I see him. Or we have a short chat. And then I know. It's just my head running around in circles because I'm not allowing Jesus to be my all.
So here's to both me and Topher being changed people by May 2009. Not that we won't quit changing and growing, but you've got start or get a kick start somewhere. And the time is now.

Jurassic Pot

2008-08-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was pretty fun and very wet. A guy at work had mentioned that you can go to Victory Park and watch movies down there for free on Tuesday nights during the summer. Last night's movie was Jurassic Park and he thought it would be fun to make an employee field trip out of it. It ended up being just his fam and me and Topher, but it was pretty awesome. I love the urban feel of downtowns and Victory Park so I was super excited to be down there surrounded by all the recessed lighting and steel. Sooo amazing. The super big and bright screens playing the movie didn't hurt either. :) And I was extremely proud of myself for staying outside in the rain. I think I only did it cuz Topher was there. I hate rain. I'm getting better about it...

Last weekend was a lot of fun, too. Me + Topher and his whole fam went to the James Blunt/Sheryl Crow/Eli Young Band/Dave Matthews Band concerts at old Smirnoff Center. I had never been and it's super easy to get in and out of. Now that I'm a lot more comfy with it, I really have no excuse not to go to the Switchfoot concert coming up in October. I wanna go sooo bad! I need to check on ticket prices again.
So yea, the concerts were pretty cool and the margaritas were even cooler. lol Expensive, but good. But not as good as the conversations going on around me... For an example click here to check out Overheard At TCU. Classic, I tell you. Also classic was the extreme smell of pot everywhere you went. Wow. Really guys? That's just sad. *shakes head*
I know I never want lawn seats again. Everyone was talking the whole concert. Ick. I want to see the white of the performer's eyes. Period.
Get ready Jon Foreman!
Here I come!!!

Kiss and Telethon

2008-08-04T20:31:00.000-07:00

Hey folks!

I once again went down to the grand ole humid city of Houston to assistant direct their telethon. It wasn't as much of a wreck as it was last year, thank goodness. But it was still way less professional than anything you will ever see come out of the Dallas station. That one I can promise you. But alas, I have escaped unscathed for another year. That is unless they have another one in October and want us to go help. In which case...I hope not. Because I want to see Switchfoot when they come back to town the first week of Oct. I'll just try to convince my boss that I did nothing of importance. I really didn't. I drew every guests' name in a different cool font and colored them in. Oh, and I counted down a few times. Yay.

On a much, much, significantly higher note...I met a boy. I mean a man. I mean...they're all boys for life really. lol
We met at a benefit concert for the radio station. I kid you not the second he walked in the door I said to myself that I HAD to meet this guy. We ended up talking and flirting after the show ended, and commenced talking every so often by email and then IM. And thennn, he came to my b-day skating party.
We all went back to my house to hang out and I kicked everyone out at 3am after winning Apples to Apples. But he stayed and we just talked and joked around for another two hours. By the time he got home to east Dallas he was seeing the sun rise!

The next whole week I was in Houston helping with their telethon and he called me and we talked for hours almost every day. He decided he wanted to take me rock climbing. So he picked me up from the airport :) and we headed straight for the grain silo/climbing wall where they teach you how to belay (sp?) and everything else you need to know to not kill the person that is climbing. I was pretty proud of myself. I made it (almost all the way) to the top of the (2nd) tallest indoor rock climbing wall (stupid Chicago built one 3 feet taller) in the world. And then I belayed Topher (that's what I'll call him here) two times, only hurting myself once. haha Wow, do I have the bruises to prove it. Anyhow, fun times were had all around. Afterwards we got some Chick-fil-a and went to his church's youth group which had a huge water balloon/gun fight that night at a playground in Plano. It was quite entertaining. :)

My step-sister will thoroughly enjoy this next part... He drove me back to my house where we watched Brian Regan comedy segments! Heck freaking yes.
And then...
Well, his sister called, and the night was then deemed absolutely hilarious, and the story for yall ends there. ;)

On Sunday I went to his church's college/young adult service after I got done at the radio station. I liked it. Their worship is some good stuff, and I liked the people I met there, and some of them super liked me. It was awesome. Soo, I'm pretty sure I'm going to start going to that. Either that, or I just find that I can't say no to Topher. *sigh*

This is R, signing out.
See yall on the flip side.

Birthday Extravaganza!

2008-07-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

Hey folks! Update time!
It was my birthday yesterday (Saturday the 26th). I had TONS of fun Friday night hanging out with everyone at the skating rink! SUCH a throw back! I requested Dancing Queen and Hey Mickey, and only fell down twice (once while doing the hokey-pokey). OUCH! I’ve got the bruises to prove it… As well as the soooore muscles that I always get after having gone skating. Oh well. It was well worth it.

I’m double glad that some friends who both live like an hour from F-Dub came out to play! Thank you guys so much! I know it was quite a drive, and I appreciate yall coming! I owe you one, B!

Presents!! I got a new manga, a sweet Texas book by Kinky Friedman, an AWESOME musical pirate card, an iTunes gift card, a fabulous cake, a pink light-up Hello Kitty pen, and a big Hello Kitty stuffed animal! Whoot! What a great birthday it was!

And I stayed up waaaaay too late playing games/hanging out/and talking. Yea. I’d say 5am is pretty late. lol I almost got to see the sunrise.

Then I got up at 9ish to take my friend to CareNow because she had hurt herself when she fell skating. They told her she fractured her wrist. :( Not cool. But hopefully that Vicoden prescription will do her well. Get well soon!

I also got lots of birthday messages on Facebook. Sweet! Thanks everyone!!!

All in all I would say it was a very happy birthday. Here’s to being in my mid twenties! May they be way cooler than everyone says they’re gonna be. Cheers!

Youtube video

2008-06-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

**This is a message I sent to someone just now that commented on my Youtube video.**

Hey there! I saw you commented on my video, and it was so well stated that I felt it deserved a response.

You wrote:
This video would be bashed like crazy if it were a Muslim man doing the same thing.
But, shouldn't all people be free to praise their own Gods and follower their own religion equally?

------
To followers of Jesus, the question you asked it equivalent to 'shouldn't all people be free to walk off of a bridge if they want?'
We see people on a path of death and darkness and are called out of love to show them the way. The so-called "right way."

It may sound offensive, but Jesus was very offensive in His time. He also spoke out of love, which I'll admit us Christians aren't too good at sometimes...
We often get wrapped up in wrong vs. right and dos vs. donts. That is NOT what Jesus came for and we have in the process shown the wrong side of Christianity to those who do not understand. Jesus didn't come so that we could have a list of rules to live by and be consumed by religion and the acts that are involved in it. He came instead so that we may be able to understand the love that our God and Creator has for us.

Once us as individuals realize this, we find it SO incredible that we go and share it with everyone! We are NOT doing it to convince people. We're not doing it to add numbers to our churches. Now, yes, some Christians lose sight of the goal of spreading this incredible news and get caught up in the world and end up doing a lot of stuff that the world can't differentiate between Christian and non-Christian.
But, no matter how we say it, or what we do, it is still an undeniable Truth. And His love is real.

That is why seeing a Muslim man doing this would get a strong reaction. It would break my heart to see him so off-base. Some would wrongly bash him... That would also break my heart.

Thus, I apologize for any Christian either in your life or in the media, etc that has given our Jesus and his message a bad name and image. That's not the way things are supposed to be. We may be saved by grace, and try to follow as close as we can to our sweet Jesus...but we are still human. And we will continue to make mistakes.

That's not an excuse. Just an explanation. Again, please forgive the many who have wrongly portrayed the Christian religion. I used to be that way, and have severely changed the way I go about talking about these important matters. The words I say are truly out of a sincere heart now.

Thanks for watching and commenting!

True love waits...how long?

2008-06-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

This particular blog is meant to be an encouragement to all girls out there who are still virgins. I used to stand up tall and stick my nose up in honor of being a virgin in high school. Now I can only laugh at that. It was way too easy. There were no situations I got myself into where the possibility of having sex could even occur. However I was high and mighty in my beliefs and convictions.

Now that I'm older, and don't have a curfew, and can go out drinking when I want, and can meet and talk and call any guy I choose...now it's actually a struggle. I am no longer simply proud that I can call myself a virgin. Now it's a day to day battle against a growing population of guys who are not virgins. And you thought all they thought about was sex when they were younger. Sheesh! Trying simply kissing a guy who hasn't sex in a while. For me, the kiss in itself is enough and great and makes me happy. But the second we kiss his brain and other internal organs go into hyperdrive. He no longer thinks about my "pretty smile" or how good my hair smells. Any conversation is killed, and I'm lucky if all he does is try to use words to get me into bed with him. When his hands start moving, I have to start moving out of there.

I can't stand that! Why can't we just kiss and be merry? Why does it have to go so much further? I know why. I'm a girl and I'm wired this way and he's a guy and he's wired that way. Blah blah, it's true, but whatever. I can't stand it.

I meet a guy. I think he's cute. We go on a few dates. We end up kissing on one of the dates. We kiss again on the next date and it just goes downhill from there. And then I'm caught in this struggle because on one side I want to continue hanging out with him because he's cute and gives me attention. And on the other side it could potentially become very dangerous very fast if we keep hanging out. He could slowly convince me that if I just give it try it'll be awesome. I do know I hate it when I tell them I don't want to do anything with them or anyone else, they ask me condescendingly "how old are you?" I am a fairly normal, average or above average looking girl who is nice and not crazy who also happens to be a virgin by choice. DO NOT demean me for that!

So why am I virgin by choice? SO many reasons. It used to be so that I could give my husband this "gift that you can only give once". But I'm going to be honest and tell you that I don't really care about that anymore. All I care about nowadays is the fact that I choose to not let emotions go CRAZY. I am 99% positive that if I end up having sex with someone I will end up "falling in love" with them knowing fully well that I do not care about them at all thus creating this HUGE struggle and debate in mind that will end up making me go and act insane. Who wants that happen?! Not me!

Sexual acts truly do connect you in a way that nothing else can. Heck, just cuddling with a guy can pull up all these crazy emotions that would never have surfaced if you had cut the date short and just gone home instead of staying after the movie ended. Helloooo experience.

This blog is here so that I can vent due to things, people, and bad choices I experienced this weekend. It is also here that I may possibly encourage those out there that are living the struggle just like I am. And to let them know that when it seems like everyone else out there is having a ton fun and trying their best to convince you of it, remember how much fun you've had thus far without having to have sex. Heck, I've had an AWESOME life, and fun creative dates, and boyfriends over the years ALL without having sex. This has also let me NEVER have to fret over getting an STD or getting pregnant or getting emotionally crazy over someone I may or may not even like at all.

So there. You know where I stand. Now I want to know where everyone stands on this. Feel free to comment about your experiences and struggles. We've got to be here for one another when it seems the whole world is out to get us. Let's have fun our (God's) way!!!

Ego by way of Scarborough Faire

2008-05-18T16:57:00.001-07:00

Scarborough Faire was so much fun this year! I hadn't been since junior year of high school. My mom had made me a beautiful dress out of curtains, buuut it kinda didn't breathe. So I swore I would be a gypsy or belly dancer or something the next time I went. I started collecting pieces for the costume immediately. But I didn't return until this year, and I'm so glad I did! I had bought this gorgeous corset from Charlotte Russe last year and really had no excuse to wear it in public...until now! Ha! :)
And my mom let me borrow a big, black floppy hat of hers and use one of my grandmother's shirts. It came together perfectly. Absolutely.
I even got asked if I worked there!! I responded, "No, but thank you!" haha
And the weather was perfect, too! There wasn't a cloud in the sky until about 2pm, when it cooled down a bit and was a little cloudy, and just altogether perfect.
And then I flirted with like 8 guys. haha Including one of the pirates named Johnny. Sooo cute. And I kind of ignored the guy at the entrance trying to sell me a map/schedule. He turned around to me and said, "You know that by ignoring me, that means we're dating, my lady." I turned back and gave him a huge smile. SO much fun!!!
We got there a little after 11. Lacey and her crew left at about 5. I wasn't quite done having fun yet, so I just roamed around to shows that were going on and got some fish and chips to eat, and flirted with some more guys, and headed home at about 6:30 so I could avoid the majority of the crowd leaving and what-not.
It was an absolute perfect day, and I am for sure going again next year.
Oh, and I got a henna tattoo of course! The only thing missing was the stone rose I wanted to buy. Oh well. I'll try again next year. Hopefully they'll have a booth there then.
See you there next year, yes?!

One day soon...

2008-05-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened again. I brought up how awesome Jesus is and my roommate got pissed.
The converstaion ended with,
Her: "This is the reason I don't want to live with you anymore."
Me: "And that's the reason I do want to live with you."
Her: "Why, so you can keep telling me about all this?"
Me: "Yes!"
Her: *huff puff and storm about the house*

I've known for quite a while now that my words aren't going to convince or change her. I'm okay with that. It's completely in the hands of the Lord, and that's the way it needs to be. It takes the pressure off of me and the little I can do in this situation.

Her boyfriend was pretty funny to observe while we were having this conversation. He made a few comments here and there at first. But he eventually left the room. Smart guy. He knew exactly when it turned into a me-and-her arguement, and not just everybody discussing things like we have before.

It's painful. It truly is. To see her like that. And him. I just don't get it. And most of the time they take my fascination for them not understanding or knowing things to be condescending. I certainly don't mean to come off that way. She thinks that the fact people go to hell is hypocritical of a loving God. But he gave us free will. It's up to us. He will love us unconditionally, yes. But in the end it's completely up to us to accept that love or not. I don't know. There's just so much that I understand on both sides of the fence that she doesn't think I do. And there's no way I'm going to convince her of it all, so I've learned to bite my tongue a little.

Anyway. I guess this is her last straw. I had already come to terms with her moving out after our conversation last Novemeber. Not that I want her to move out, but I thought she had made up her mind, and I had resolved myself to it being for the best.

I just await the day I get a phonecall from her and she says that she found Him, too. And how wonderful He really, truly is. It will happen. In the name of Jesus, it will happen. I love her way too much to not believe that...

Romans and Sky Angel Two

2008-04-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

12-13If you sin without knowing what you're doing, God takes that into account. But if you sin knowing full well what you're doing, that's a different story entirely. Merely hearing God's law is a waste of your time if you don't do what he commands. Doing, not hearing, is what makes the difference with God.

14-16When outsiders who have never heard of God's law follow it more or less by instinct, they confirm its truth by their obedience. They show that God's law is not something alien, imposed on us from without, but woven into the very fabric of our creation. There is something deep within them that echoes God's yes and no, right and wrong. Their response to God's yes and no will become public knowledge on the day God makes his final decision about every man and woman. The Message from God that I proclaim through Jesus Christ takes into account all these differences.

Romans 2:12-16
--The Message

I'm watching this amazing discussion on Sky Angel Two right now. All I can keep thinking about is Josh, and the past conversations we've had. And convos I've had with dozens of other people in my lifetime. All those questions they've had...all those ideas that have been brought up. All that stuff that I know to be true, but always find it very hard to explain due to my lack of study in the subject, not necessarily equaling a lack of knowledge.
ALL of it. Finally explained in this lecture. Faith and Science Lecture Forum held in Atlanta, GA.
I even texted Josh to let him know it's on. I figured maybe he's got more free time since Carrie is chillin in Cali with Megan.
I've just never found myself being enlightened and saying "amen" to a discussion as much as I have this one. It's incredible. It's everything I know, believe, have studied, examined, argued, thought about, read about...finally explained in completely understandable words. In TRUE words. Wow, I say... Wow.

Song Request and Camping Trip

2008-04-13T15:12:00.000-07:00

It's so hard.
I was dumped a few months ago.
And I still like the guy.
But the guy I think I like isn't anywhere close to the guy he truly is.
I wasn't blatantly lied to. However, there were some things that he just let me believe because it's easier that way than to make sure the truth is known by all.
And some of those things he didn't know I was thinking. So I blame the both of us.
Which means I have no hostility towards him. In fact, I miss hanging out with him. Whether or not there was a romantic connection there or not, there was most certainly a friend connection. I always loved talking with him. He opened up my mind with his thoughts, and we always had cordial conversations with differing opinions. And anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not necessarily used to convos like that. haha But I'm getting much, much better.
Anyway. This was all brought up because mentioned guy called in to the station to request a song, and I got all giggly. lol
My lifegroup went on a camping trip this weekend! It was so much fun! We played RummyKub, shared testimonies, went hiking, sang around the fire, made smores, ate great grilled chicken and corn and hobo packs, and got to view the beautiful Brazos River. SO much fun! And not too sunburnt. hehe

Wandering Messianic Rabbis

2008-03-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was incredible.
My lifegroup met yesterday at Eurotazza. We got drinks, gushed over the chai lattes, and sat to talk about what our pastor had spoken about on Easter morning.
We first watched the NOOMA video "Dust" by Rob Bell. If you haven't seen any of them, I highly recommend that you do. They are all life changing, and make you think deeply.
The point we were going over at the coffeehouse was that disciples were blessed by the saying "May you be covered by the dust of your Rabbi." This was because they followed in their rabbis' steps so closely, their feet and body would be covered in the dust kicked up by their rabbi (or teacher).
The discussion at Eurotazza got deeper than this, but that's not what I'm writing about. What I sat down to write about today is how the Spirit of God shows up when you gather in His name. I mean, I always knew this to be true. And it is scripturally true, that "when two or more gather in My name, I am there." But on a regular basis, it's just something to be expectant of, but not necessarily experience all the time. At least not for me.
So. You're wondering how He showed up this time. Was it a pillar of fire? A big cloud in the night sky? A mist growing around us? No, no, and no.
He came in the form of a guy drinking a coffee and smoking a cigarette, who just happened to be studying to become a messianic rabbi! Say what?!
We (Dan, in particular) starting asking him all sorts of questions about scriptures that we believe, but just couldn't understand all the time. Such as Jesus talking to the man who was wanting to go bury his father before he dropped everything and followed Jesus. And also the story about Lazarus, and how it was significant that Jesus waited that one extra day to go to him to raise him from the dead. He let us in on many Jewish customs that seriously enlightened us to many verses in the Bible that, until that time, we didn't wholly grasp.
So, yea. Yesterday was incredible. One more day proving that God is awesome, and always present!

(if you wish to view "Dust" click here for the first half...and here for the second)

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

2008-03-23T13:03:00.000-07:00

I was taking a survey, and it asked a very weird question. Only to top itself with the answers it provided...
Sooo, apparently not taking a shower for more than 3 days makes me the same as someone who steals, lies, and cheats.
That's a new one.

------------------------
Please look at the following list carefully, and think about which ones you have done in the last twelve months.
--Lied to a friend to get your own way
--Cheated at a game
--Stolen something from a shop or your place of work
--Had a sexual fantasy about someone who is not your partner
--Seriously exaggerated something on your resume
--Failed to help someone properly when they have asked for your help
--Acted ungenerously towards someone who considers you a friend
--Yelled at somebody who didn't deserve to be yelled at
--Taken credit for the work someone else has done
--Purposefully humiliated someone
--Gone at least three consecutive days without taking a bath or shower

First Official Speed Bump Posting

2008-03-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

#1: The movie The Fountain is creepy/weird/hard-to-follow/and beautiful all at the same time.
Wait a second...let me finish it first...
Ok, yea. It got really good there for a minute, but that first sentence still stands.

#2: I might need to start recording my thoughts by audio recorder in the car or something, because I always have these great ideas to blog about, and never ever get around to blogging them. They are like, cancer-curing ideas and revelations, and yet I can never seem to get around to documenting them. This needs to change.

At least I'm one blog post closer, huh? I've been meaning to get back into blogging for a loooong time now. I started my first blog in 2001, and wrote in it nearly every day until about 2005. That's when myspace took over my life. Facebook wasn't too bad, but myspace...man... So I said goodbye to that blog, and started this one. So today I dedicate this Speed Bump of a blog to my old, dear friend who was with me through the drama of high school and half of my college existense.

Let's start afresh, shall we?!